


there's a honey.

by bigbadlesbo



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, F/F, F/M, Homophobic Language, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-02-18 09:30:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigbadlesbo/pseuds/bigbadlesbo
Summary: "Leave," Ino whispers.So Sakura leaves.





	1. live in my heart if you want to.

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a clusterfuck rn. title and plot inspired by 'there's a honey' by pale waves.

Sakura wants to hold Ino under the blankets forever, her face glowing, lips warm and inviting and unbearably close to her own that it makes Sakura's heart ache with want and not much else.

This is wrong, Sakura panics. Why is this happening?

"We're just friends, right?" Ino asks. Slurs, really, not even sober enough to make coherent sentences. The blonde is such a lightweight and Sakura can tell how drunk she is by the way her eyes are glazed over.

"Would it be so bad if we were more?" When Ino doesn't reply, Sakura feels her heart chip away into nothing. She stops and removes her hand from Ino's cheek. "I'm sorry. That was a stupid question to ask."

"The only reason I'm doing this." Ino breathes and Sakura smells the alcohol on her breath. "You know why. I just want to feel something for once," and she knows this, she knows she's being used, and it's okay. Because Ino is her best friend, someone she cares about deeply and ever since they were children, that makes everything okay. 

"I love you," Sakura blurts out, and her world crumbles from underneath her. 

"You don't mean that," and Ino kisses her again, her lips glossy and Sakura tastes strawberry in her mouth.

"I do," Ino sees the glint in Sakura's eyes and freezes. "Ino..." Sakura's voice cracks and falters. Ino's gaze on her is enough to make Sakura's blood go cold. 

"Leave," Ino whispers. 

Sakura wants to protest but doesn't see any point in doing so. the high from earlier - kissing her best friend, was fading away and it was only a matter of time before Ino came back to her senses. Ino isn't like Sakura, in the way that Sakura is sick and has feelings for another girl, and a girl who knows her like the back of her hand, at that. Ino's a normal girl, and it was wrong of Sakura to do this to her.

So, Sakura leaves.

Sakura leaves Ino in the bedroom and shuts the door behind her. She remembers where she is, what she's doing, and stumbles into the bathroom. Her eyes are bloodshot and her hair's a tangled mess. Her shoes are missing too, the bare tile cold on her feet.

I want to go home, her brain says. Go home and rest.

She sneaks out of the bathroom and down the stairs. It's easy enough maneuvering past her drunk friends. It's easy, slipping out the door and into the front yard and feeling the wetness of the grass. 

She walks what feels like two miles before her house comes into view. There's glass and rocks in her feet and she's bleeding, but she's too tired to care. The mix of being drunk, high and over-emotional is enough, and Sakura feels herself pushing close to the edge. Her cheeks are coated in tears and when she realizes, she can't stop herself anymore. She drops to her knees onto the hard pavement and lets herself cry into her shirt. 

I shouldn't have done this, what's wrong with me?

I'm an idiot for ever thinking Ino would like me.

Sakura wishes she had stayed and let herself forget by drinking more. The bitterness of the night still hung heavy on her tongue and she wants to wash down the taste with as much alcohol as she can get her hands on, but it's too late. There's nothing in Sakura's house that can erase all the memories and how hurt she feels. 

Her parents are asleep in bed when she tiptoes in. As drunk as she is, she still rummages through the bathroom in search for a first-aid kit. She spends time sloppily applying ointment and picking out glass with her hands. When she's done, she climbs into her bed and doesn't dream.


	2. you can break me overnight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all because of Ino.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drug mention/alcohol mention for this chapter.

Sakura's phone buzzes for the tenth time and she groans. It's Naruto, it's always Naruto. She doesn't open her eyes, doesn't bother. She just wants to sleep the rest of the day off. The hangover is worse whenever Sakura thinks. The night replays in her mind and she giggles, a wave of pain hitting her head and making her go silent. Naruto was grinding on Neji, she remembers. When her head feels better, she makes a mental note to check the video she took.

"God, I'm never drinking again," she muses to herself.

'Sakura, come upstairs with me.'

She almost has a heart attack when the words echo through her. That was Ino's voice. She doesn't think, and presses her fingers to her lips. Her stomach drops when she remembers, finally, what happened. It still hurts her to her very core, and she feels like she's going to throw up. 

"Sakura!" her dad opens the door without any warning and seems surprised to find her there. The sudden noise makes Sakura jump and her head hurt again, but she plays it off. "I didn't expect you home so early. How was Ino's?" 

"Fine," she mumbles. She forgot she had lied to go to Deidara's party. Her parents expected her home later in the afternoon. Her dad stands there before Sakura asks, "What?" and there's more poison in her tone than she wants, but it gets the point across and her dad makes up an excuse to go help downstairs.

She gets up to fill up an old cup with tap water and drinks it slowly and she retreats back under the covers and in her own bed. Her phone buzzes a couple more times before she gives in and checks her messages. Her heart's hopeful, she wants a text from Ino for the explanation of what went down last night, but she knows that there's nothing there. Ino will do everything in her power to forget it, Sakura knows this, and all Sakura wants to do is remember. When she checks, it's only Naruto. It's multiple texts - some asking where Sakura is, and if she's okay, and that he hopes she isn't dead. 

I'm okay, she types. Just a little tired.

She drags her body out of bed a little over an hour later, and showers off the whole night. The soapy warm water on her tired, cold body makes her feel alive again - if only for a couple of minutes. 

When Sakura dries off and changes into cleaner clothes, there's a message from Sasuke. It's a surprise, really, Sasuke isn't the one to message Sakura first, or talk to her about important things, but it's only four words: Come to my house.

Sakura forces herself to swallow down the anxiety she was starting to feel. It was no big deal, Sakura rationalizes. There's no way anyone found out. She swallows painkillers down with a sip of water and slips out without her parents noticing. The walk to Sasuke's is longer every time she goes - cons of living at the edge of town - but eventually she makes it. Itachi is sitting on the front porch and waves to Sakura when he sees her. She takes her time talking to Sasuke's older brother. He's always been wonderful to all three of them and she appreciated his help and advice. She runs out of things to talk to him about and makes her way into their living room, where Sasuke is eating lunch consisting of soda and ramen. 

"Who are you," Sakura snorts. "Naruto?" She pulls a seat out and sits next to him, watching him slurp his instant noodles.

"Shut up," Sasuke replies without looking up. "How was the party?"

"Oh!" she fumbles for her phone and searches through her camera roll from last night. "You have to see this -" she shows Sasuke the video of Naruto, drunk out of his mind, grinding against Neji who was obviously not into it as much as Naruto was. By the time the video ends Sasuke has tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. "That was the highlight but I was so drunk," Sakura lies through her teeth. "I don't remember much else." 

"What a prude," Sasuke snickers. "I feel bad that I couldn't go, but Jugo's birthday was the same day. I didn't want to miss that."

She remembers faintly the ginger-haired boy that she met once at Sasuke's house. He was an older boy - college, Sakura thinks. Sasuke had met Jugo, and two others, over the summer break and wouldn't tell Sakura or Naruto how he happened to meet them. 

"Why'd you call me over?" Sakura asks. "You never text me."

"Naruto just wanted me to check up on you and since I'd be the one messaging you, you'd come. He told me you just up and disappeared and no one could find you. People were worried, Sakura."

"Well, I'm fine," she huffs. "I just didn't want to party anymore. I got tired, decided to go home, and went to bed." Sasuke examines her for a minute and nods, seeming pleased with Sakura's answer. "Don't worry about me, Sasuke Uchiha. I'm more responsible than you and Naruto combined." She stands up and gets ready to leave.

"What about Ino?" 

Sakura's blood goes cold. 

"What about her?" She freezes in her tracks and slowly looks up at him. 

"You didn't see it?" Sasuke hums, pulling out his phone and showing Sakura a video Naruto had sent him. It was recorded an hour after Sakura walked home. When Sasuke hits play, Sakura's heart races. 

Whoever is recording is holding the phone shakily and Sakura makes out Ino's hair and her purple dress on the floor of Deidara's house. When Ino looks up, Sakura can tell that she had been crying. "I'm sorry," she sounded more messed up than before. Like she never stopped drinking. It was hard to make out the rest of what she said but she kept repeating it and crying. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 

"Sakura, I'm sorry."

It takes everything in Sakura's body not to cave in and cry again. She bites her lip, holds back tears, and doesn't let Sasuke see that side of her. "According to Naruto, she kept going on like this. She felt really bad about what she did." Sasuke holds up five fingers. "And in five minutes, Naruto said she was her normal self again." She can't help but laugh and is shocked by how hollow it sounds. Ino was one to always bounce back no matter what happened. "Did you two get into a fight?" 

"I don't remember," Sakura grits her teeth. "But you know how Ino is - always so dramatic. She probably did something that she feels bad about and then forgot about it." The lie seems convincing enough, but Sasuke still looked skeptical. "I'll talk to her about it on Monday and see what's up."

"Okay," Sasuke cracks his knuckles. "Good enough for me."

"You're gonna tell Naruto all this, aren't you?" 

"He asked me to." Sasuke offers Sakura a soda, which she takes, and then she says goodbye. The sun was setting when Sakura starts walking back home. "That was the longest I've ever talked to Sasuke alone," Sakura's voice rings out. She hadn't meant to speak her thoughts out loud. If this were middle school again, Sakura would have been completely floored if Sasuke asked her to come over and talk. She was so head over heels for Sasuke - or at least she thought - that she worshipped him completely. 

Now, Sakura thinks. Now she understood why she started fooling herself into liking him in the first place. 

It was all because of Ino.

Sakura wasn't attracted to Sasuke - it was Ino's attraction to Sasuke. The way it made her feel. That pang of jealousy that came when Ino admitted that she liked Sasuke, maybe even loved him, and how Sakura tricked herself into thinking that Sasuke was also her crush. That was never it. The jealousy wasn't because Sakura liked Sasuke. The jealousy was there because Ino liked somebody else. Somebody that wasn't her. 

Frankly, Sakura wants to crawl back into bed and die. Her mother has different plans though and drags her into the kitchen to help with dinner. She peels potatoes and carrots absentmindedly while her mother nags her. 

"Do it like this, Sakura," she says. Sakura drowns her out. Peeling a potato perfectly is not the first thing on Sakura's mind, or a thing she needs to worry about at all. After the last potato is peeled, her mother tells her to go relax. "I'll call you when dinner is ready." She goes back into her room and buries herself in an old sweater that Ino gave her in freshman year. It smells like Ino's perfume and Sakura clutches onto it tighter. 

It's warm and soft. It makes Sakura feel safe. She knows once she releases Ino's jacket, she'll have to stumble into the real world again. She'll have to face the reality of what she did and said, and she wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to face her own feelings and she was far, far from ready about facing Ino. 

She wishes she had more to drink. She wants to smoke and get high and lose all her brain cells. She wants to crawl into a hole so deep that she has no way of ever getting out and to not exist anymore. She's such a fucking idiot.

She falls asleep wrapped up in Ino's jacket and doesn't come down for dinner. 

 

She pats down her skirt one more time in the mirror and grabs her bag. She wishes it was still summer and she could just avoid everyone, but it's October and she has too many things to do. She takes the long route to the school to avoid Ino's flower shop and she doesn't want to think she's being a coward, but she is. She just doesn't know what will happen if Ino catches her eye. Somehow, things would have been better for Sakura if she had never seen that video of Ino at the party. She knows it's all people will be talking about, how Ino had a mental breakdown over Sakura. She doesn't know how to feel about it. She shakes away the thoughts and forces herself to focus, she wants to remember if she had any homework due over the weekend that she let slip her mind. 

'Sakura, come upstairs with me.'

Her mind always goes back to Ino. 

The doors to the main building are open, so she walks into the school and finds her first period to set her stuff down. Naruto is waiting for her, sitting on top of his desk instead of in the chair, and she waits for him to bombard her with questions. He sits there patiently while she adjusts herself into her seat, and tries not to show any emotion when she hears Ino's voice in the hallway. "You know, you could have asked Shino for a ride home. You didn't have to walk." 

"Couldn't find him," Sakura shrugs. "I didn't want to bother, and I was tired."

"I was worried," he puts emphasis on the 'worried', probably to make Sakura feel guilty. She knows she probably shouldn't have walked home especially while being piss-drunk, but she couldn't stand being there anymore. Her mind, body, soul were all exhausted. "You're my best friend, Sakura. You gotta at least tell me that you're okay."

"I'm sorry, I was an ass for just leaving like that. Next time I'll get a ride from Shino or call my parents or something. I didn't mean to make you worry." 

Naruto smiles his big goofy grin and she knows he wants to ask her what the video about Ino meant, and why she was crying over Sakura, but he's doing his best to refrain. The bell rings and their homeroom teacher is late, again. It's barely Monday and she knows Kakashi is late ninety nine percent of the time, and she wonders how he even was able to keep his job. 

"Sorry, guys," he strolls in casually, he's always been one to never take his job very seriously. Even when he worked as a middle school teacher, he was always laid back and didn't seem to care too much. "I hope everyone had a safe weekend. Did anyone work on the project I assigned last Friday?" 

Shit, Sakura steals a glance at Naruto, who had gone pale. The group essay. 

Fortunately enough, there seemed to be a chorus of 'I forgots' and other excuses from the rest of the class, so Kakashi puts his hands up in defeat. She doesn't know why Kakashi even tries.

"Alright, I'll give you until Wednesday." He goes on and starts writing words on the board, and it turns into a full-blown lecture. When he's done, he lets people work on their group essays together, and Naruto moves his desk closer to Sakura's. She wants to actually get work done, but Naruto finally lets it spill that he's been thinking about the video of Ino and wanted to ask Sakura about it. 

"Didn't Sasuke tell you all this?" She's tired.

"Yeah, but I figured you'd tell me the truth." Naruto opens up his laptop and spends a minute searching for their shared essay. "So, about Ino's video..."

"I did tell Sasuke the truth," Sakura spits out. Naruto looks taken aback and grows quiet. "I don't know what that video is all about - I was already gone when she did that. Just because Ino and I are close doesn't mean I can read her mind. She was drunk and acting stupid and dramatic, isn't that what she always does?" She can feel herself getting defensive, way too defensive since she claims not to know. 

Relax, her brain tells her. She takes a deep breath and tries to come off as normal. 

"Sorry," she tries to come off as sincere as she can. "I just keep getting asked, like I'm supposed to know, and I'm sorry, but I have no idea what Ino is talking about. She was way too drunk to remember, anyway, so why can't we just move past it?" Naruto doesn't say anything else, and just passes the laptop to Sakura so she can edit it. She knows it'll eat away at Naruto until he gets a solid answer and she hates him for it. If Naruto won't bother Sakura about it, he'll find other people to poke and prod at until he gets the answer he's looking for. 

The period ends with not much talking between the two and the first thing Sakura sees is Ino, attached to Sai's hip, smiling and laughing as he whispers something in her ear. The feeling in her chest is undescribable and she wants to claw at it until it completely disappears. It hurts, and Sakura feels tears drip down the bridge of her nose. She quickly wipes at her face so she doesn't draw suspicion to herself and retreats into the girl's bathroom and the end stall, locking herself in. The smell of weed in the public restroom makes her wrinkle her nose in disgust. 

"Sakura?" Tenten's voice comes from the opposite side of the stall, and the smell of weed grows stronger. "You okay in there?"

"Yeah," she wipes once again at her face and adjusts her hair. When Sakura steps out, she notices a joint in between Tenten's fingers. "Can I take a hit?" she asks. The opportunity is in front of her, and even though she's never smoked before, she knows that this is what she needs. 

"Since when do you smoke?" Tenten asks, bringing the joint to her lips and then passing it to Sakura. 

"Right now," she replies. She brings it up to her mouth, sucks in, and blows out. The smoke in her lungs forces her to cough and Tenten laughs. "Thanks, Tenten. Do you know...where I can get more of this?"

"Kiba," Tenten takes another hit and turns on the faucet, throwing it in the sink. "Take it easy, Haruno, being stoned at school isn't a walk in the park." Sakura doesn't feel anything, she's not likely to, she only took three hits. She wants to be high, though, wants to feel nothing and everything at once. She don't think she'd be able to survive the rest of the day sober. 

"I gotta go," Sakura leaves Tenten to herself and hurries to second period. She makes it - barely - before scrambling into her seat. Sakura and Kiba both share their third period together, so it takes all of Sakura's might not to bounce in her seat in anticipation. She can't keep her attention on Mr. Umino's lecture and she gets scolded for it fifteen minutes in. 

Mr. Umino isn't too tough of a teacher - Sakura likes him and his methods, so she tries to pay attention. When she does, she notices that she has no idea what he's talking about, so to make up for the guilt she feels, she jots down notes for the rest of the period. It isn't anyone's fault but her own, she just can't find it in her to care about her school work today at all. 

Sakura meets Kiba in the hallway. He has on his unusually large coat, reeks of wet dog, and has this dumb douchebag smirk on his face. He's leaning against the lockers when he spots Sakura, and drags, "Sakura? What could you possibly want from me?" She wants to punch Kiba then, wipe that bastard smirk off his face, but she refrains and just asks him one question: How much?

She spends forty dollars on two pot brownies. That's all he had on him, anyway, but she's grateful. She munches on one before third period officially begins, and when it hits, she feels herself melting away.


	3. i call it medication.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She doesn't know why she agreed to do this. She doesn't know Sasuke's friends, and she usually doesn't even hang out with Sasuke, so what was she thinking? She was an hour away from home, drinking with people she didn't really know, in the middle of nowhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> probably won't be posting for the next week or so, so here's chapter three since i don't want to post it when i'm back from break

Sakura doesn't remember how she got home or how she convinced her parents to let her hang out with Sasuke for the night. Her memory wasn't completely gone, but it was foggy and she couldn't bother herself to force the memories back. Itachi picks Sakura up in his truck and the three of them drive for about an hour until he pulls in to an unidentified neighborhood and finds the address he's looking for. 

"Be safe, you two," he says, looking pointedly at Sasuke before driving off. 

The drugs are starting to wear off and she tries to remember where Sasuke said he was taking her. "It's Jugo's apartment." He takes her arm and drags her to the front door, where he yells, "Jugo! Let me in! It's fucking cold." The door swings open, and Jugo, or who Sakura assumes is Jugo, towers in the doorway. His hair is messier than she remembers, an orange spiky mess that can't seem to tame itself, and he seems so tall compared to Sasuke. "Finally," Sasuke groans. "You've met Sakura before." Sasuke pushes past him and disappears into the apartment, leaving Sakura wide-eyed. Jugo motions her in. 

"Nice to see you again, Sakura." His tone is warm and inviting and she almost laughs with how intimidated she was at first. He places a drink in her hand before she can protest and leads her into the kitchen, where the party seems to be. There's two others besides Sasuke in the kitchen, one at the main table and another sitting cross-legged on the counter-top. Sakura opens her drink - beer, she crinkles her nose, but takes a swig anyway. Jugo seemed nice enough and Sakura didn't want to come off as rude. 

"Gonna introduce yourself?" A boy with a snarky grin and white hair asks, and Sakura feels herself growing nervous. "Or just stand there and drink?"

"Guys, that's Sakura." Sasuke doesn't let Sakura talk. "She's been my friend since middle school. Sakura, that asshole right there is Suigetsu," he waves when his name is mentioned. "And Karin. She's Naruto's cousin." Her eyes fall on the redhead with glasses, and a wave of relief falls over her when she realizes she isn't the only girl. She waves, seeming more polite and a little bit kinder than Suigetsu, and offers Sakura a shot. 

Without letting Sakura answer, Karin already has out two shot glasses and a bottle of vodka. "Nice to meet you. I like your hair," Karin adds. She hands the shot glass over to Sakura who takes it reluctantly. "Cheers." They clink glasses and Sakura feels the burn all the way down to her stomach. 

She doesn't know why she agreed to do this. She doesn't know Sasuke's friends, and she usually doesn't even hang out with Sasuke, so what was she thinking? She was an hour away from home, drinking with people she didn't really know, in the middle of nowhere. She finds some small comfort in knowing Sasuke is around. Even though he's the biggest asshole Sakura knows, she's at least relieved to know he's here. The 'party' moves into the living room, where Sasuke starts rummaging through the collection of movies underneath the T.V. and picking one out. 

"Is Sakura gonna do this with us?" Suigetsu asks, unrolling some tinfoil to expose strips of paper. 

Before Sasuke can interrupt and answer for Sakura, she asks, "What?" 

"Sakura, go easy." Sasuke warns her. "She won't do it." He's talking to Suigetsu now, glaring at him from the corner of his eye.

"Let the girl have some fun," Suigetsu laughs and hands her a carefully cut piece. "Put this on your tongue."

Sasuke doesn't have time to protest when Sakura places it on her tongue. Sasuke sighs and puts a tab on his tongue, while Karin and Suigetsu do the same. Sakura lets it dissolve while Sasuke presses play on the movie. It's some shitty remake of an older movie, but Sakura isn't really paying attention. Her eyes are on her friend and the three strangers around her. 

She feels alone. 

She wishes Naruto was here, but she knew she would get the scolding of a lifetime from him. 'Taking random drugs?' He'd probably yell at her. 'What the hell is wrong with you?'

She wishes Ino was here.

But that doesn't seem to make it any better. 

It takes Sakura forty-five minutes into the movie to realize that something isn't right. "What did you give me, Suigetsu? What did I take?" 

"Don't you think it's a little too late to be asking questions?" Suigetsu laughs. Karin shoots him a death glare. 

"You took acid, sweetheart." Karin says matter-of-factly. 

Sakura doesn't know how to feel. How stupid could she be. She should have asked, shouldn't have taken it, should have known, and she looks to Sasuke for support, but he's just sitting there, laughing with Karin. Her eyes dart over to Jugo, who she remembers didn't take a tab, and hopes that her eyes convey the right message. 

"You'll be fine," Sasuke says. "I can't stop you from taking drugs, apparently. You wanted to do this, now just ride it out." Sasuke goes over and sits down on the floor and looks Sakura in the eyes. "You're fine."

She doesn't feel fine, and maybe it's just a mental thing, but Sakura doesn't feel well at all. She feels like she's going to puke - from stress, from Ino, from sadness, from the drugs. She takes a deep breath and forces herself to close her eyes. You're fine, she repeats Sasuke's words. You'll be okay. Jugo gives her a bottle of water. 

The acid high is different than a weed high. The movie finishes and Karin insists on putting a horror movie on. She moves into the kitchen to make herself a drink with Jugo's booze, a mix of vodka and tequila and orange juice. "Hey," Karin shocks her and she almost drops her glass. "This is your first time tripping on acid, right?" 

All Sakura can do is nod, and then takes a drink of her concoction. The taste is awful, but the orange juice cuts right through, and she chugs it without a second thought. 

'Drink this,' Ino's voice again. 'It's sweet. You can't taste the liquor.' Her arms wrapped around her.

Why couldn't she just fucking forget? 

"Hey..." Karin's hand resting on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" Sakura can feel the tears and taste the saltiness of them, and she wipes them away, but Karin's already noticed. "What's wrong, Sakura?" She doesn't want to drop all of her life's burdens on this girl's shoulders, because if she does, she feels like Karin will tell Sasuke. And she can't let it happen, no matter what. "You know, we just met, but if you need to vent to me about something, I'm here."

The touch is gentle, but still there. Karin is rubbing her back, making sure Sakura knows that she's there for her. It makes Sakura break down all over again. How pathetic of her to do this, to cry in front of a person she doesn't even know. 

"Let's go," Karin whispers. "If the boys see you like this, they'll question you." She takes Sakura's hand and leads her into one of the rooms. The light stays off. "You can stay here and get yourself together. I'll stay with you." Sakura's never been more grateful for something in her entire life, and lets herself break. 

The sobs are loud enough but the T.V. is louder, so no one is suspicious. 

She lets herself cry while Karin is beside her. She's covered in warm tears, snot, her face bright red but she was too sad to feel embarrassed. "I-I'm sorry," she says miserably. "I shouldn't have come. I'm ruining a fun night for you." 

"You're not," Karin reassures. "It's alright. I'm glad I can be of some help to you." She hands Sakura tissues and Sakura wipes her snotty face. "I hope whatever is hurting you," she says after a moment. "Goes away soon. You don't deserve to be so sad."

There's something there, hanging in the air between them. 

Karin leans closer to Sakura, letting her rest Sakura's head on her shoulder. She's closer now, Sakura feels her heart racing. 

"Can I kiss you?" Karin asks.

Sakura doesn't hesitate, and lets Karin do what she wants.

 

Kissing Karin is a totally different experience than kissing Ino. Her lips are different, the way she kisses, she's more experienced, Sakura wants to say. She doesn't taste like strawberry lip gloss that she had been addicted to, but something far more. Her glasses smush against Sakura's face, and she doesn't want to say it, but the feeling is uncomfortable. 

"Do you want to stop? We can stop." Karin says out of the blue, moving to look at Sakura in the eyes. 

Her eyes are so unbelievably beautiful that Sakura wants to look at them forever. It's a game entirely, Ino and Karin. Karin is fiery, bright, she reminds Sakura of something more than this world. Ino is cool, calm, and detached.

The two girls Sakura kisses are completely opposite from one another. 

"I..." Sakura feels very guilty for thinking of another girl, especially while there was someone, Karin, who was right in front of her. "Let's stop."

"Yeah," Karin adjusts her glasses and smiles down at her. "I'd rather kiss you while we're both somewhat sober."

Sakura's heart skips a beat. 

This isn't a fling. This isn't like what Ino did at the party. When Sakura realizes this, her heart swells. 

"Wait - you mean that?" She's dumbfounded.

"Yeah, Sakura." Karin looks surprised. "You seem like a really cool girl. I'm sorry that I just came onto you like that. I just couldn't ignore it." Karin gets up from the floor of the room and extends a hand. "I assume you aren't going to school tomorrow?" The sun is already peeking out and Sakura checks her phone. 

There's ten messages: five from her dad and five from her mom. It's 7:30.

Fuck. 

She's been tripping for a little over seven hours.

The two walk back into the room, where the boys are fast asleep. Sasuke's legs are propped up on Suigetsu, and Jugo is squished on the loveseat. "We should go to sleep, too," Sakura says. She walks over to the couch and Karin disappears for a second, but comes back with a blanket and some pillows. 

Sakura falls asleep next to Karin.

 

"Wake up, Sakura. It's noon." Sasuke kicks the girl awake. Sakura tries to rub the tiredness from her eyes and gets up. She sits up from the couch and can feel the dryness of her mouth. "Here," he hands her the bottle of water that she didn't touch from last night, and she drinks it in three seconds flat.

"Do you want bacon or sausage?" Jugo comes out of the kitchen with a pan in his hand. "I'm making breakfast."

"Sausage," she replies. "Thank you, Jugo." When Jugo's done cooking, he comes out with a plate for Sasuke and Sakura. The food looks delicious, and Sakura digs in, a plate of pancakes with butter and syrup and sausage and scrambled eggs. She looks around for Karin and Suigetsu, but notices that they're both gone. "Where...where did the other two go?" 

"Class," Sasuke answers, lighting up a cigarette. "Where we both should be right now." 

"Oh, fuck me," Sakura groans under her breath. "I need to call my parents - tell them I'm okay." It takes longer than Sakura wants to admit to find her phone. When she checks it, it's at one percent, and it dies while Sakura is looking for her Mom's number. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" 

"It's fine," Sasuke says. "Jugo's going to give us a ride, and we'll be on our way home." Jugo walks out to catch Sasuke smoking, and glares at him.  
"What did I tell you, Sasuke? No smoking in the house! It stinks up the place." He grabs the cigarette and goes outside and when he comes back, it's gone. "I let you guys use my house to hang out and do whatever, the least you can do is respect my rules." 

"That was my last one," Sasuke grunts. "You owe me a new pack, Jugo." Jugo rolls his eyes. "Can I use your shower?" Sasuke asks, not waiting for an answer, but grabbing a towel anyway. "Thanks!" 

"When he gets out, we'll go," Jugo tells Sakura. "In the meantime," he smiles. "Use this to charge your phone. Call your parents." He tosses her a phone charger and she plugs it in. It only takes a couple of minutes for it to start back up again, and the text messages and calls are more frequent. She calls her Mom, preparing for the screaming she'll be sure to hear from both of them.

"Sakura Haruno, you do know it's a school day? Where the hell are you?" 

"I'm sorry, Mom." 

"Tell me where you are. I'm coming to get you right now."

"No!" Sakura pleads. "That's not necessary. I'm on my way home right now." 

"You're grounded, Sakura." With that, her mom hangs up. 

It wasn't what she expected, but it wasn't any better, either. She leaves her phone to charge and helps Jugo clean dishes. 

Sasuke's shirtless when he walks out and Sakura almost gags.

"Can I borrow your shirt?" Sasuke asks. 

"Go ahead," Jugo puts the last dish away. "Sakura, are you ready to go?" 

"Yeah," she nods. "Let's go."

Jugo's shirt is too big on Sasuke, it drapes over him, but he doesn't seem to mind all that much. He calls shotgun and Sakura is left to sit in the back. She's the first to be dropped off. When she opens the door (as quietly as she can), her mom is already there. 

She looks like such a typical mom, hands on her hips and a sneer on her face. "Grounded," she repeats. "For two weeks."

"Okay." 

She's sentenced to her room, and that's that.

 

"Sakura, Naruto's here!" her dad yells up the stairs. She goes down and sees Naruto holding a stack of papers. 

"What's up?" she asks. 

"I brought by the stuff you missed today. And Kakashi's paper is due tomorrow. I did half of it." He wants to ask Sakura where the hell she was, but her dad already explained that Sakura was grounded, so he doesn't stay long. "I'll see you tomorrow, I guess," Naruto shrugs and waves her a quick goodbye. She takes the stack of papers and goes back up to her room. 

When she's back, her phone goes off. 

'Are you free tonight?' She knows it's Karin.

'No, grounded.' She types back, and then immediately gets a response.

'Too bad, I wanted to see if you wanted to go out to dinner later.'

The offer is tempting, but she doesn't want her parents to skin her. She's on thin ice, she can't make her parents more mad and risk more privileges being taken away. 

'I'll sneak out later. What time?'

Sakura must be a fucking idiot. 

'Knew you'd say that.' Sakura can see Karin's smile even if she's not physically there. 'Ten work for you? I'll pick you up. Just let me know your address. Xo.'

Sakura's heart flutters, and she wonders how the fuck she's going to sneak past her parents. She feels like they're going to be a lot careful and watch her closely. Sakura wants to believe that Karin can be worth it, that she can forget about Ino (how could she? Her heart hurts whenever she even thinks about Ino), that Karin can be something new and something she needs. 

It's worth it, she thinks. 

So she formulates a plan.


	4. you're not alright cause i ruined your night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sorry."
> 
> Ino hangs up and doesn't call her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry ive been gone for so long!! mix of winter break + no inspiration to write, but it's shorter than usual and kinda choppy, but i felt like i needed to post something. here ya go xo

The 'plan' being that she'd climb a fucking tree outside of her window and sneak somewhere where Karin can pick her up. So, she does just that and ends up with splinters embedded in the skin on her hands. The noise when she drops and lands on the dirt underneath her feels so loud and leaves her ears ringing. 

The park is usually a fifteen minute walk if Sakura's feeling casual enough, but this time she runs. The cold air is crisp and feels good on her skin and the hair on the back of her neck rises. 

It's barely hitting ten when car lights blind Sakura as they pull into the parking lot. It's a white Volkswagen beetle that Karin picks her up in, and she puts on her seatbelt before Karin makes a rough turn. She drives like a crazy person, considering how calm and careful and nice she had been with Sakura the night at Jugo's. "How'd you manage to sneak out?" She's laughing above the hum of the radio. 

"I pissed myself trying to go down a tree." The air is thick and getting too hot, Sakura feels, but she doesn't want to say anything. Her laughing is louder, more clear now. "Where are you taking me?" 

"A nice little restaurant just outside of here," Karin explains. "Figure if I take such a nice girl out on a date, I've gotta take her to a nice place." They drive for a few minutes before Karin cranks the radio up real loud and lets the music flow in the car. "You look really nice." Sakura blushes and tries to hide it underneath her hair. 

"You, too," Sakura mumbles. 

The restaurant is brand new, Sakura notices. Karin is an amazing first date and helps Sakura out of the car and into the place where a waiter immediately attends to them. "Two?" he asks. "Booth or table, ladies?"

"Booth," Karin answers smoothly. "Window, please." 

The two take a seat and Sakura notices Karin for the first time since she picked her up. Her hair is up in a tight bun of redhead mess, her glasses are kind of smudged, lipstick carefully on her dark red lips. She's a beautiful girl, Sakura can't even deny that. There was something about seeing her in a totally different light than the night Sakura was high on drugs and drinking. 

She wants to kiss Karin again.

It's impolite, Sakura knows that, but she can't stop looking at her stupid red lips and wishing that they were on Sakura's. 

"Sakura, are you okay?" Karin asks. "Are you okay to order?" 

The menu is in front of her open on the table, but Sakura doesn't remember how it got there. "Pick for me," Sakura tells her. "I trust your taste."  
Karin smirks and orders something Sakura can't even pronounce. She tries harder to pay attention to Karin, because she wants to spend as much time as possible with this girl. She likes the way her hair falls to the right side of her face, she likes the way Karin's eyes are on hers and how they aren't moving. It's intimidating and makes Sakura sweat, the way Karin's eyes are focused on hers, smiling in such a way like Karin knows what's going on in Sakura's mind. 

It's too much. She excuses herself to the bathroom and checks her cellphone.

Missed Calls: Ino (6).

'Not now', Sakura bites down on the side of her cheek so hard she tastes iron. 'God dammit. Not now when I'm on a date with Karin.'

The phone rings and it's her again. Her fingers hover above the END CALL button and she desperately wants to press it and ignore Ino and go back to the night she's enjoying with a girl who seems to genuinely like her, and not in the way that Ino liked Sakura when she was drunk and had no other options. 

"Ino," Sakura takes a deep breath and hears Ino's sniffling on the other line. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" 

"I'm sorry," Ino whimpers. "I'm sorry for calling. I feel really shitty about what I did -" she hiccups, "it wasn't fair to you." She waits for Ino to say something else. She can't just leave it like that. "Are you going to ever forgive me?" Sakura can feel by the way her voice cracks that she's going to cry. "Will you - Will you forgive me?"

"You're drunk," Sakura whispers into the phone. 

"I can't face you sober." Her words cut and tear into Sakura's chest.

"Ino, go to sleep." Sakura spits and hangs up. 

She hurries out of the bathroom where Karin is waiting patiently for her. When she sits herself back down, Karin looks irritated. "I'm sorry," Sakura apologizes. "My parents." When Karin hears the lie, she smiles softly. 

"No need to worry." Their food arrives at a perfect time and Sakura has no idea what Karin ordered her, but it's some kind of pasta and tastes delicious. She tries to eat, she really does, but her mind feels tired and food is the last thing on her mind. She fakes it and puts on the biggest smile, eating her food, asking Karin questions about her life and resisting the urge to pull out her phone and check how many times Ino has called or how many times she's texted. Karin pays for it when Sakura's done and she asks if Sakura wants to go back home. 

"No, why don't we go somewhere we can be alone?"

"I like the way you think." Karin chuckles. "I know the place."

 

***

 

The kiss is softer this time. She's afraid her breath smells but when Karin touches her waist, her thoughts melt completely. No Ino, no fear that she's kissing another girl, no fear of who might find her and find out the truth. It was just Karin's lips, and her perfume, and her hair tickling Sakura's cheek. Her tongue feels weird in Sakura's mouth, a surprise, really. She hadn't expected Karin to be a person who kissed with their tongue.

"I gotta get going," Sakura breathes. "I need to get home."

"Why don't you stay at my place?" Karin jokes, kissing Sakura's cheek and leaving a mark. 

'Yes, please,' Sakura wants to beg. 'Take me anywhere but back home.'

Karin knows Sakura will be in trouble so she drives her back. It's nearing midnight when Sakura opens the door slowly and lets herself in. For the first time since the restaurant, she decides to check her phone. The last text was a little under ten minutes ago and Sakura sighs heavily. Ino needed to go to sleep, it was a school night, she needed to stop drinking and just get some rest and leave Sakura alone because she already feels like shit after lying to Karin. 

Her phone rings.

"Ino," Sakura hisses. She doesn't let Ino answer. "Ino, go to fucking sleep. I'm not your girlfriend. You have Sai for that. Now leave me the fuck alone."

Sakura's words hurt. She admits it. She's frustrated and angry and so tired. "Sakura..." Ino says. 

"Haven't you hurt me enough?" Sakura lets her tears flow. She cries into the phone, cries to Ino, lets Ino know how much Sakura has been suffering ever since the party. Sakura wants Ino to know just how much pain she's had to endure alone.

"Sorry."

Ino hangs up and doesn't call her again. 

Sakura screams and cries into her pillow. It hurts so fucking much.

 

***

It's one in the morning, but Sakura doesn't fucking care. She's got Kiba's number and eighty dollars in her wallet and she knows for a fucking fact Kiba is awake, so she sends the most blunt message: 'I want whatever $80 dollars will give me.' She needs to be high. She needs to melt away into herself and forget the way her heart hurts and bleeds. With every beat she feels the pain growing and she can't take much more. 

'Jesus, Haruno.' He texts back almost immediately. 'You know what time it is right?'

'I don't give a shit, Kiba. Can you help me or not?'

'I can be there in twenty.'

Forty five minutes passed and Sakura wanted to give up altogether, but she heard his truck from outside. She went out to greet him, not even caring how loud she was being at this point. As long as she got what she needed, she could be grounded for six months for all she cared. 

Akamaru's tail waves excitedly and he lets out a bark once he sees Sakura. She doesn't even know Kiba's dog all too well, but she pets him on the head a couple of times just to make him happy. 

"Here." Kiba says and slips the stuff into her jacket pocket. She smiles with the weight of the treats and seems satisfied. "Why are you all of a sudden asking for this, anyway?" Kiba asks. 

"I'd rather be high than sober," Sakura admits. "Sober is too much to deal with."

"Is this about Ino?" Kiba's toothy grin makes an appearance and Sakura feels the urge to punch again. "Don't act all surprised. Everyone at school has seen that video at least once. Shit -" he snorts - "I bet you all the staff have seen it too. Ino just gets all bitchy when people bring it up with her so no one really knows what's up. Not even Sai." 

"Why don't you mind your own damn business?" Sakura snaps. "I get high because I want to, not because of what Ino was crying about in the video."

"You could be a little nicer to your drug dealer," Kiba groans. "I did just give you quite a few edibles, and at a cheap price too."

"Sorry. I just really can't talk about it. I'm so tired of it."

"Are you...do you like Ino?"

"She's my best friend," she answers thinly. "I love her."

"Okay." Kiba says. "I'm leaving, then."

"Do you think we could hang out and get high?"

"Y-Yeah," Kiba stutters. "Sure. Yeah."

She rides in the back of Kiba's truck with Akamaru licking her face feverishly. Her hair feels like a static windy mess but she doesn't mind, all she cares about is getting high with someone other than herself. Kiba parks at the place where her and Karin had only met up a few hours ago and he hoists himself up to sit in the back with his dog. They split three gummy bears each between them and Sakura lets herself ride it out. 

This isn't her. Sakura isn't some druggie girl who skips class and does anything to be high or drunk or both. Sakura is a girl who is the "smart" one at parties, the smart girl at school, the girl every teacher loves and the girl who befriends everyone.

She can feel her image breaking. 

What would Naruto think of her? 

"Hey...don't cry, Haruno. What's wrong with you?" Sakura wants to spill everything. She wants to tell someone the pain she's been going through and how she feels and how she's probably a lesbian and how she doesn't have people to support her. She's alone in this.

It's fucking Kiba Inuzuka. Sakura can't let one detail spill, but God how she wants to. She wants to stop crying and get help and advice on what to fucking do, because Ino's breaking her from the inside out while she feels like Karin's trying to put the pieces back together.

"I love Ino," is what she says. 

'I love Ino and I have for years and I've suppressed it because I was scared, I'm fucking terrified still. I can't forget the way her lips felt on mine and how soft she was and how my heart was racing so fucking fast it felt like I was going to have a heart attack.' She wants to tell him. 'The way she wrapped her arms around me and the way she clings to Sai is the same. The way she looks at him, I wonder if it's true, I wonder if she does it to make me jealous or collapse under the pain and I don't know - I don't know what to do and I can't face her sober. I got angry with her for telling me the truth when I'm the exact same way and have to rant to some loser stoner that smells like a damn dog about how Ino's got my head all twisted up and how I feel like I'm going to die if I'm sober and have to face her.'

The words get caught in her throat and by the time she's looking back at Kiba, he's in another world separate from Sakura's.


	5. it makes us the same and it weighs you down (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She is hastily apologizing, "Oh God - Ino, Ino - I'm so sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait! xo

"Wake up, Sakura." 

She moans and turns back over. "A few more minutes," she says muffled through her pillow. 

"Come on, Sakura," it's not her father's voice or her mother's, so she lifts the pillow from her head and frowns when she sees Naruto. "We've gotta go."

"I'm grounded, why are you here?"

"To make sure you're not ditching," Naruto pops a lollipop in his mouth and offers one to Sakura. "You have ten minutes, come on."

Sakura forces herself to get up and mold herself back into the girl that everyone knows her as. She's five minutes over Naruto's time limit but it's Naruto, so she doesn't care. Sakura takes her time in the bathroom applying makeup on her face and trying to hide the bags under her eyes. She doesn't remember sleeping, the last thing she remembers is being with Kiba. She leaves without saying goodbye to her parents. 

"Hey, hey," Naruto takes a big step over a crack in the sidewalk. "Kiba texted me last night." Sakura gulps and looks at him from the corner of his eye but he's staring straight ahead. "It was like three in the morning," he continues, "so I thought that Kiba was just fucking with me. There'd be no reason why he'd text me so late, you know?"

"What did he want?" Sakura asks.

"Why don't you tell me? He was talking about hanging out with you. He even sent me a picture, too." His phone comes out from the back of his pocket and he opens it to show the picture of Kiba and Sakura together. "What the fuck, Sakura? What are you even doing?"

"So?" Sakura's throat feels dry. "What's the problem? Kiba said he'd get high with me and I took it."

"Three in the fucking morning," he mutters. "This isn't like you. Are you fucking Kiba behind my back or something without telling me?"

Sakura stops breathing and tries to force herself not to laugh. She knew it'd just make Naruto even more angry than he already was and she didn't want to be on thin ice with her best friend. "No, I'm not fucking the boy who always smells like a wet dog."

"Good, cause you can do better."

The two get to the building and each find their own seats. "I wonder how long Kakashi will be late today," Sakura jokes and tries to break the tension. "Ten, twenty minutes?"

It's Kakashi's roommate, Gai, who strolls in on the dot and the last bell. 

"I didn't know you could sub for us, Gai," Naruto laughs at Gai's attempt to be professional. He's got a tie on and he looks nervous, Sakura feels bad for him and glares at Naruto to make him feel better. 

"Can you be a little more formal? I am your teacher today," Gai begs. "I promised Kakashi I'd keep everyone under control." 

It isn't happening with Naruto. Naruto has known every adult in their crappy hometown since he was a child, his parents were admired and loved and everyone could identify who he was because he had the same hair as Minato. He's known Kakashi and Gai since they were barely reaching teenager years.

 

Sakura tries to keep him in line, though. She elbows him hard in the ribs when she doesn't like the look on Naruto's face or the change of his tone when he talks to Gai. Since it is Gai, he doesn't want the class working on anything super hard, so he lets them do any extra work that Kakashi had assigned days before. 

***

 

It starts in between the passing period to go to her second class. 

'I didn't know she was a dyke.'

'She was hitting on Ino, her boyfriend told me.'

'Ino told me she kept calling her and being so creepy and obsessive.'

'I heard it from Kiba but he's so high all the time he probably doesn't even know what he's saying. They were hanging out last night.'

'When did she even turn into a druggie?'

'Don't stare!'

Sakura feels bile rise up her throat. They had to have been talking about her. She forces her legs to move as calmly as she can to the girl's bathroom and lets herself dry-heave until she feels somewhat better.

She wants to scream.

Inside, she's screaming until her lungs give out. Her throat is heavy and clogged. There’s tears burning in her eyes that she forces back. 'Easy', she tells herself. But even with her reassuring herself, she feels like it’s the end of the world. She finds the courage to go back into the hallway before she’s late, and sees Ino looking, well, looking sad like she was guilty of something. She wants to tear her fucking eyes out.

Ino tries really hard to avoid Sakura in general, but there isn't much one can do when Sakura walks straight up to her, and slaps her across the face. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sakura intended for her voice to come out louder, harsher, but it doesn't sound like it at all. "Why would you do this to me?" The shock and immediate guilt after the high Sakura felt overwhelms her, and she is hastily apologizing, "Oh God - Ino, Ino - I'm so sorry." 

Gai steps in at the worst possible moment. 

"Ladies, what's going on here?" He asks, and when no one answers, Ino just staring Sakura dumbfounded and Sakura doing the same, he looks pointedly at Sakura. "Sakura, come on. I'm taking you to the office. Ino, get to class." His hand met with Sakura's back. "Everyone, get to class!" There were even more murmurs, more whispers that Sakura tried hard to ignore. Her heart was heavy with guilt at slapping Ino. If anything, she should have pummeled Kiba or Sai until her fists were black and blue. 

Principal Senju, who praised Sakura at any given moment, gives Sakura a one week suspension along with some ugly scolding that almost makes her cry, and she gets picked up by her Dad with her tail in between her legs and her bag behind her. 

 

***

 

"So..." Sakura's dad clears his throat. "I don't have to say it, but you know your mother and I are very disappointed in you." 

"Okay," she answers, she doesn't look at him, she focuses on the way the trees are moving outside from the wind. 

"And you're grounded. Probably forever." 

"Fine." 

The rest of the ride is silent and she's sentenced to her room for the rest of the night. She wishes he had been stricter with her, wishes he had yelled, because the awkward "disappointment" talk made Sakura want to puke.

 

***

The rumors don't stop with the kids from school. Everyone and their parents are talking about the dyke in their neighborhood who will prey on every girl she sees, and how disgusting it is that someone like that is around their children. Sakura is disgusted with every guy she sees in her messages, asking if it's true, or if they could change it, or ask the million dollar question: 'Why are you so obsessed with Ino?'

She wants to send screenshots of her call log at that one. She wants to tell everyone that it isn't her fault, that yeah, she shouldn't have done that to Ino, but it wasn't Sakura's fault that Ino drunk calls her at ungodly hours of the night slurring apologies and crying her eyes out. 

It isn't Sakura's fault, or at least she tries to believe it isn't. 

Her parents know. Her mom doesn't say anything about it, just gives a glare whenever Sakura looks at her, like she's disgusted and the worst possible daughter anyone could have. Her dad is the only one who says something, motioning Sakura to sit down across from him so that he can talk to her about it.

"You know, I don't really care - Well, I mean, I guess I do care." Sakura's dad is bad at serious talk, especially when it comes to something like this. "I just want to say that if you're gay, I don't mind. I just want you to know that this behavior isn't acceptable - and I really don't want to get any more calls about my daughter getting into fights." He coughs and Sakura gets ready to leave, but he stops her. "I think this whole thing started with Ino, right?" Sakura nods. "You...Sakura, you can't force someone to love you. I'm not sure if you just really liked Ino, but you can't force feelings that aren't there." 

"It isn't about that -" Sakura says coldly. "I swear it isn't. She outed me, Dad. They're all making fun of me. Even Mom's disgusted with me."

"She will never do anything but love you, Sakura. She's just upset that you got suspended is all, and she doesn't know how to handle certain things. I don't, either, but I need to do the right parent thing." He leaves her by herself and she curls up into a ball on the chair, watching the flames flicker from the fireplace until she feels herself fall asleep. 

 

***

Her phone's gone, so she can't text anyone, but she sneaks out to Sasuke's house anyway. The lights are still on at midnight, and she can see Itachi in the kitchen. She lets herself in. 

"Hey, Sakura," he greets with a sad smile. "I heard from Sasuke that you've had a rough day. I'm sorry. Do you want a drink? I can call Sasuke down for you." 

"I'm fine, thank you." She was so unbelievably full of relief that at least someone treated her like herself and she engulfs Itachi in a surprise hug that he stiffens at, but lets her hug him and he hugs her back. "Thanks so much," she mumbled into his cloak, and then immediately blushed and backed away. "I'm sorry. It's just nice to have - a brother, I guess." 

She runs up the stairs before she can embarrass herself further and knocks on Sasuke's door. 

"Fuck off, Itachi!" 

"It's me." 

 

"Come in."  
She opens the door and is met with dirty clothes littering his floor and she maneuvers herself around the mess and lounges on Sasuke's chair. "I'm assuming you've heard about everything today," Sakura doesn't beat around the bush. She knows Sasuke will ask eventually and she figures just to pull the band-aid clean off. 

"So what are you?" Sasuke smirks. 

"I'm gay, Sasuke. I'm a dyke and a lesbo and whatever those dumbass kids are saying."

"What'd you get for slapping the shit out of Ino?"

"One week. Are you gonna ask why?"

"That was the plan," he says. "Why'd you do it?"

"People found out," she feels herself fumbling with her hands, and uses it to help clean Sasuke's room a little from the trash on his desk. "People found out, and they were whispering in the halls, and all I heard was that Ino said something about it and told people. It wasn't her fucking job to out me, or Kiba, or Sai, or whoever the fuck did it." 

"Kiba's the one who told me," he twirls with his hair. "You told Kiba that you were in love with Ino."

"I'm not." Sakura herself is doubtful, she doesn't believe the words and she knows Sasuke can't be buying into her bullcrap either. "I'm kind of seeing someone right now. So it would be cheating to be in love with Ino, and I don't think I am." 

"Why didn't you tell Naruto? Or me?" 

"I didn't think I had feelings until the night of the party. I didn't want to tell anyone until I was ready. I don't think I was ready, but everyone knows anyway." She bites the inside of her cheek and tastes metal. 

"What happened that night?"

"You know how Ino is. She got drunk, she got emotional, she got lovey-dovey, and we both just went for it. She kissed me first, I didn't kiss her. I was afraid. I wanted to see if she wanted to stop, but she told me she needed to feel something different."

The night's fresh in her mind along with the pain in her heart. 

"I was used and it's totally fine and she's with Sai now. It doesn't fucking matter. I just hate how she claims I'm obsessed with her. I haven't contacted her at all since that night, she's the one who drunk calls me twenty-four seven." 

She shows him the call log as evidence that Sakura isn't a "crazy dyke" that everyone's claiming that she is, and she hopes he believes her. "That sucks," he hands her the phone back. "Why don't you just block her?" 

"She's been my best friend for a long time. I can't just cut off someone who I cared and loved for so long." 

"Why not?" Sasuke asks. "If I was in that situation, damn, I wouldn't take that shit." 

"You don't get it," she replies. "You'd never get it, Sasuke." 

"You'd be surprised," he tells her, offering her some alcohol from underneath his bed. "Itachi would shove my head up my ass if he knew, so just keep it between us. You look like you need a drink, anyway. Hand me my soda." 

He mixes the two and drinks slowly, offers some to Sakura, but Sakura takes it straight from the bottle. It burns on the way down and she keeps taking swigs of it until Sasuke cuts her off. 

"Who are you seeing?" Sasuke pours more into his soda and swirls it around. 

"Karin." 

"I thought so, I just didn't wanna say anything."

When Sasuke puts his drink down and looks away, she takes a long drink and puts it back into place. "I should get going," she's a little buzzed, she wants to be even more than that but she doesn't have the money and Sasuke doesn't have much left in his bottle. She's disappointed, but she says a quick goodbye to him and then a nervous goodbye to Itachi. It's not like he can tell she'd been drinking, but she worries anyway.


	6. it makes us the same and it weighs you down (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She needs this, and no one in the world might be able to understand, but she doesn't give a fuck. She's not going to let anyone get in between something she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1-2 more chapters to go :0
> 
> triggering content: extreme drug use, borderline alcohol poisoning, sakura's on a bender and she's breaking

Sasuke invites her to a party that same night before he heads off to school. He's never been one to stop by, but Sakura's parents let him in and she accepts right away. She doesn't care who it's for, or why they're having it, she just knows that the people Sasuke know have alcohol and drugs and all kinds of things Sakura needs in order to forget. She remembers the sting of her hand and the slight pinkness of Ino's cheek, and she wants to call Ino and apologize ten times over. It was a freeing sensation at the same time that it filled every part of Sakura with guilt. 

She doesn't mind, either, that she gets to see Karin again. She doesn't know whether to call Karin her girlfriend or not or what exactly their label is, the two had only been on one date, but she's happy she'll get to see a face she's comfortable with. 

Her dad goes to work and it's just the two women in the house. Her mom makes sandwiches for lunch and Sakura offers to help, which she accepts, still not looking her own daughter in the eye. Sakura finishes and puts on something she knows her mom would like. She wants to talk to her, she really does, but there isn't anything she could say. She knows that both of her parents are disappointed in their daughter, and that she's the family's black sheep. 

When the show isn't even halfway over, her mom picks up her plate along with Sakura's and goes to walk to the kitchen. 

"I'll help you clean up," Sakura insists, taking her plate from her mom's hands.

"Don't you have some homework to get done?" Her mom interrupts. "The least you can do while you're stuck at home is get your grades back up." 

She hands the plate back over, feeling more defeated than she admits. It's more of a trudge than a normal walk back up to her room where she throws some papers on her bed and tries to get to work, but her whole entire brain is exploding over how long the week has been and the events that unfolded. Sakura feels bad about it, but she's been ignoring Naruto, too. The last time she saw him was when his mouth was wide open at the sight of Sakura hitting Ino. When he tries to come over to check on her, she pretends to be asleep and hides in her room like a coward. 

"I'm going shopping," her mom barges in her room immediately. "Don't leave the house or have anyone over. Do you need anything?" She knows if she asks her mom for something the answer will just end up being 'no', so she shakes her head and her mom closes the door and Sakura waits until she hears the front door close to get up off the bed and search her parents' room. 

When she finds it, there's ten missed calls and a couple texts from Naruto. There's also a few numbers she doesn't recognize and a few texts from Karin. Karin probably had no idea what was going on, and Sakura bet Sasuke didn't tell her a thing, so she gives a quick text: 'Grounded. I'll explain at the party tonight.' She turns it off and puts it back in the hiding spot (in between the mattress, typical), then decides to make herself useful and do the dishes and water the plants. 

When her mom comes in, Sakura's got oven mitts on taking cookies out of the oven. 

"Smells good," she says, examining the cookie sheet. "I hope you're going to wash that." 

Sakura takes off the mitts and lets the cookies cool while she helps her mom unload the groceries. If she was just forced to stay home all week she might as well help her parents take off the workload a little bit. She scoops up all the cookies onto a paper plate and scrubs the cookie sheet until it's clean, she takes the cookies into the room and sets them on the table. 

"Oatmeal and chocolate chips," Sakura says. "No raisins." 

"You don't have to suck up to me," her mom replies. 

"You're mad at me. I don't know what else to do." 

"I'm not mad," and Sakura knows it's a lie, because her mom's voice is raising. "I'm disappointed, Sakura. What's wrong with you? What's gotten into you? Sneaking out, skipping school, and now suspension?"

Sakura shrugs, because she doesn't know the answer. 

Her mom bites her tongue, Sakura watches, as she tries not to say anything too mean. Even though Sakura doesn't hear her say it, she retreats back up into her room because she knows that if they're in the same room for another second a fight will start, and neither of them have the energy to fight right now. 

Sakura does her work for the day - Naruto dropping off more work for her to do that she had missed that day, and she calls for a nap. The party is only a few hours away, she just has to sneak back to the Uchiha household and get a ride from Suigetsu and just go. She only sleeps for an hour before she wakes up again, but it feels like the day is moving slow on purpose. The universe was telling her it was a bad idea, and giving her so many signs to stop while she's ahead, but she ignores every single one of them. 

She needs this, and no one in the world might be able to understand, but she doesn't give a fuck. She's not going to let anyone get in between something she needs. 

Her mom's in the the living room when she goes downstairs, and she hears her Dad's footsteps coming in through the front door. They're all together now, and Sakura wonders if her Dad will force both of them to talk like normal people, and she wants to go back upstairs until it's time to leave, but her Dad already saw her. 

"Why don't you join Mom and I for a movie? Dinner smells like it's gonna be ready soon." She doesn't want to spend time with her parents, she can't look either one in the eye, she wants to run the hell back up to her room and bury herself under three blankets and wait to sneak out. She's not even hungry, but she nods anyway, goes into the kitchen to grab dinner, and moves to the farthest chair possible from her parents. There wasn't really a choice for Sakura.

It's the longest movie and meal Sakura's ever sat through. Her dad falls asleep and her mom is cleaning up after the both of them. 

"I'm gonna get going to bed," Sakura's mom tells her. "Put the food away before you go to bed. Kizashi," her voice gets softer. "Come on. Let's get you in bed." She wraps up the rest of the dinner in the fridge, turns off all the lights, and goes back to her room. She waits half an hour to make sure her parents are asleep and then she climbs down the tree to get to Sasuke's. 

 

***

Sasuke is on his porch smoking a cigarette when she comes up. At first, she thought it was Itachi, but his voice rang clear in the darkness: "Hey, Sakura." 

"How long until Suigetsu gets here?" 

"An hour, maybe?" He taps to get the ash off and inserts the cigarette back into his mouth. "You're here earlier than I thought." 

"Impatient. I wanna see Karin again."

"You just sound like you wanna get fucked up." 

He isn't wrong, but he isn't one hundred percent right either, so she doesn't give him that satisfaction. She takes the cigarette from him and puts it in her mouth. She's never really smoked before, but she wants to feel something, and Sasuke had it with him.

The burn is unexpected, and Sakura coughs uncontrollably as Sasuke lets out a laugh. 

She wonders what it would be like if she were just a normal, straight girl. She had pined after Sasuke and she was reluctant to admit it. She could imagine if she were normal and what her life would be like, and how much drama would be erased simply because she was attracted to the opposite gender. Loving a man would be so much easier than the hell she was putting herself through.

Sakura could feel guilty about it all she wanted, but she loved women, and all they stood for, and it's the hardest thing she ever admitted to herself. She wouldn't be happy if she were with a man, she wouldn't be as happy as she would be if she were with a woman, and she knew it. 

"Is Ino gay, too?" Sasuke asks out of the blue. "She's dating Sai...but it feels more like a fling at this point. They've been fighting a lot since you got suspended. Every day." Sakura hands Sasuke back the cigarette - a nub, at this point - and shakes her head. Sasuke raises his eyebrow at that, but she lets herself take a deep breath before she answers. 

"I don't know what Ino is. Whether she likes men or women or both, and it sucks that I probably won't ever know how she really feels about me. It isn't my business, I have to focus on my relationship and making the girl I'm seeing happy." A car pulls up and Sakura didn't realize how long they had been talking. "Ino isn't my responsibility, and she never has been."

"Hey asshole!" Suigetsu yells from the driver's side. "Come on! It's freezing, let's fucking go!" 

"Come on, Sakura." He takes a minute to light another cigarette then he hurries to the door. She follows after him and into Suigetsu's car. "You remember Sakura, Suigetsu?" He nodded and smiled a toothy grin at her. 

"Hey," he said. "You got high with us at Jugo's place." 

"Where are we going?" Sakura asks. "Who threw the party?"

"My cousin," Suigetsu answers. "You'll meet him eventually."

He turns up the radio all the way and sings along to the music as loud as he can. When they get there, Sakura can already hear the music booming through speakers and she sees ten cars parked outside. She's able to pick out Karin's car right away. The three walk up to the door, and Suigetsu's 'cousin' opens the door to let them in. He's tall with hair that sticks straight up, and small beady eyes that watches her like a shark. Sakura doesn't even get introduced before Sasuke's pulling her into the kitchen. 

There's two cases of beer, three different types of vodka, two bottles of tequila, Jell-O shots, and a shit load of vodka sodas. 

Sakura could cry. 

Sasuke does a Jell-O shot with her, and when he sees someone he knows, he leaves Sakura alone in the kitchen. She takes two more of the shots and grabs an actual drink. "Pace yourself," a voice says behind her. Her fingers rest on Sakura's back, and she sighs with relief, a little unsure how to feel about Karin touching her. "Hi." 

Karin's not shy, but she's acting like it, and it almost throws Sakura off. Karin was nervous, which she didn't understand. Sakura was just Sakura. She didn't have the ability to make other people nervous. 

"Hi," she finally says, leaning up a little bit to press a quick kiss to Karin's lips, and at the moment she does, she's scared she's gone too far. Karin wasn't her girlfriend. They weren't official. "It's been a while." Karin's smile makes her melt, and Sakura asks her if she wants to do shots. "Sasuke just took whatever, so I'm gonna do the same," she's talking more to herself than Karin, but she pours herself a shot of vodka and a shot of tequila, and Karin got one shot of vodka. 

"Don't you have school tomorrow?" Karin whispers to her. "Take it easy, Sakura."

"Suspended," she says after making a face, feeling the tequila burn her mouth and throat. "I'm free until next Monday." She can't stand the worried look Karin gives her, so she shoots back the vodka and doesn't look her in the eye. 

Sakura doesn't have the same tolerance for alcohol that her peers do, so she gets tipsy incredibly fast. By the time her vodka soda is finished, she can hear herself slurring and Karin has to help keep her upright at points. 

"Sakura," Suigetsu says, and she doesn't remember how he moved into the kitchen so quickly, and she can't find Karin. "We're playing beer pong, I need a partner. C'mon." He drags her into the living room where the game is set up and Sakura is extremely bad at the game, but she's having fun anyway laughing at Suigetsu's shitty jokes and how bad, in general, everyone was playing. Sasuke and Kisame end up winning and Sakura's drinks disappear one after one. 

There’s people face down on the table, inhaling substances Sakura is pretty sure is coke or worse, but she tries not to pay attention.

"Come do shots with me, Sakura!" someone says, and she doesn't know who it is, but they recognize her. She's being dragged in five million different directions as she takes shot with one person and gets thrown in a chugging competition with another. The world's moving slow underneath her feet and in her mind, she wants to know where Karin is. They had lost each other earlier on in the night, and she can't pinpoint her red hair or her glasses anywhere. 

The shots go down her throat easy after each one, and she slurps down Jell-O shots like nobody's business. People smile and laugh as they watch her drink and drink and drink, until her hands feel numb and her vision goes blurry. There's Fireball that Kisame brings out later, and she hates the taste, but she gets pushed into doing more and more shots with him and some guy, she thinks his name is Nagato, she feels like puking not too long after. The cinnamon overwhelms her, but she smiles and forces everything that wants to come up back down. 

Beer pong again, except it's been rigged. Kisame gives her a smirk and a laugh, and Sakura reasons because he knows he's going to win. Sakura was already as drunk as humanly possible that there was no way she would ever win. 

Kisame poured Jack Daniel's and some moonshine onto Sakura's side.

No one knows that until Sakura downs her cup and almost pukes immediately at the taste of Jack Daniel's. She loses again, and by that time, she's pretty much gone.

She’s tempted by the table of white little lines and she does that, too. She doesn’t know how to feel, and her mind wanders to how disappointed Naruto would be if he saw her right now. She at least hopes the substance is cocaine and not something that could really damage her, but her logical reasoning dissolves away into a happy, drunk giggling mess, and Sakura loses herself again.

Sakura doesn't know how, but she ends up outside. 

The air is exactly what she needed, and she sits down right on the dirt with a beer (was it even hers, at this point? She had grabbed it randomly off a table) in her hand. She takes another swig before vomiting into the bushes, and she can't bring herself to stop.

***

Karin finds her unconscious in her own vomit. Sakura doesn’t wake up, no matter how much Karin attempts to coax her out of her sleep.  
She doesn’t dream.

When she finally does wake up, she feels like complete shit. Her head hurts, her stomach aches, and she wants to puke a million times over. Karin’s fingers are in her hair, brushing the strands back and petting it lovingly. “Don’t move,” she says. She grabs a water bottle and puts it up to Sakura’s lips. “Slow, okay? You should go back to bed. I’ll be here when you wake up.” Her lips are cracked and dry, but the immediate relief she feels at the liquid filling her mouth is enough. She tries to go back to sleep and ends up staring at Karin’s face as she drifted off. 

***

“I still think we should call someone.” Karin’s voice is a quiet mumble, but it hurts her head. “Who knows how much she drank? She looked dead when I found her.” 

“It’s fine,” Kisame replies. “Just make sure she doesn’t stop breathing. I’ve dealt with this for a long time. She’ll be fine, Karin.” 

 

***

Sakura wakes up, really wakes up, about eight hours after, thirsty and confused. It was already dark outside. Karin was asleep with her arm wrapped protectively around Sakura’s, and she carefully removed her arm and stood up. The abrupt movement caused her to lose her balance and almost fall over. “Shit,” she hisses through her teeth. There isn't a clock in the room they stayed in for the night, and she can’t find Karin’s phone, so she has to move to the living room to find someone alive. The whole house is empty except for Kisame. “I need...Kisame? I need to call my parents.” 

Kisame laughs and tosses her his phone. “Come sit on the couch. You shouldn’t be moving so much.” She joins him, and she suddenly feels tired again, like she could sleep for a million years and not wake up. “You were a fun one last night,” he grins. “But then no one could find you, and no one knew where you went off to. Karin and Sasuke went looking all over for you, and she found you half-dead in my bushes surrounded by vomit.” 

“Yeah,” she feels herself nodding off. “Everything hurts.” She turns on the phone and starts typing in her Mom’s number. She doesn’t answer, so she leaves a voicemail: “I’m fine. I’m sorry for not being home. I just had to get out of the house. I’m sorry.” 

Her parents were probably out on a search for her, but Sakura couldn’t bring herself to care anymore about anything. As shitty as she felt, she needed another drink, or an edible, or just to sleep and not face the real world until she was ready.

“I’m taking a shot,” Sakura can’t even protest before a second shot glass is put in front of her and filled with whatever leftover alcohol Kisame had. “Hair of the dog.” The alcohol goes down, and Kisame has to hold her hair back as she pukes it up again. 

“Sorry for staying here for so long,” Sakura whispers as quietly as she can. “I’ll wake Karin up and she can take me home.” 

“She was up all night,” Kisame tells her, and his tone is serious and a little scary. “She needs the rest. I can drive you home. Sasuke was going to but you just wouldn’t budge and Suigetsu needed to be at work.” Sakura feels like she should say goodbye to Karin, but she's too tired to exist. She goes home with Kisame. It’s not exactly easy to be around him, but it isn’t completely awkward either. Partying with a total stranger just seemed to smash the ice. 

She gives him an address to the park, because as much as she just wanted to crawl into her own bed, she didn't trust anyone with her address who wasn't immediate friends and family. Kisame waves her off before she starts walking home. 

She would rather feel dead than this, the only thing on her mind as she walked was how comforting sleep sounded. Her parents are sitting on the porch waiting for her. They scream and yell and scream some more and Sakura tunes it out. There's nothing else they could take away from her that they haven't already, so she goes to her room, eats an edible that was hiding in her dresser, and waits for it to hit. 

***

She begs Sasuke to drop off a bottle of anything before he goes off to school and leaves her alone. Her parents had gone out for the day and wouldn't be back until later that night, and she was on house arrest until further notice. To make sure she wouldn't sneak out again, Gai checked up on her a couple times throughout the day. He still didn't notice when Sasuke brought over a half-full bottle of liquor. She takes sips periodically until sipping turns to chugging, until she has enough alcohol in her system to stop feeling so damn much.

Sakura hides the bottle in her dresser underneath some clothing. 

She rummaged through her parents' room, but they must have taken her phone with them, so all she can really do is sit and wait around for her suspension to end and wait for the day to end and wait for her life to fucking end.

***

'You're drunk', Sakura tells herself in the mirror. Her eyes are glazed over and her hair is a tangled mess. 'You're drunk, and you're a fucking idiot.' She wants Ino by her side. She wants to talk to her best friend again. She wants to hear her voice, and cry on her shoulder, and just talk it out like any best friends should. She wants to hear Ino's voice tell her everything will be okay. 

No, it isn't that Sakura wants Ino there to be her girlfriend and kiss her and hold her until she feels better, she just wants a fucking friend. 

"Ino?" Her voice - God, she hopes - comes out clear and confident and Sakura wasn't slurring at all. "Can I talk to you?" The wait seems to take a long time, dragging on for decades timed by Sakura counting Ino's breaths on the other line. In reality, she knows time is moving slow because the drugs and alcohol are in her system and she waits patiently for an answer. 

"Yeah, Sakura," her voice is like silk, honey, smooth and music to her ears. "Do you want me to come over?"

"No...I just want to know why you did that to me. You hurt me. I thought I loved you and I would have taken such good care of you and you're with Sai now. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty for what you did but I feel so fucking used. I would have put the situation aside by now but being outed by you? The drunk calls and texts begging for my forgiveness? What the fuck, Ino?" Sakura can't stop herself from sniffling, and she's giving it away that she's fucked up, but her logic is completely warped. She needs to cry and she needs to feel and when her chest feels too heavy to carry, she takes another swig. 

"I'm coming over," is all she says. There's a softness in her voice that Sakura remembers, like when Sakura was upset and she needed her friend to be there for her, and it makes Sakura smile with fondness.

It's only been a few days since Sakura's suspension, but when she sees Ino for the first time since the fight, she feels like she's looking at a stranger. Ino looked as miserable as Sakura felt. She walks up to the door and Sakura opens it. She doesn't know what to do with her hands, or her face and what correct emotion to express. Bitterness, want, sadness, anger, and her stupid drunk face probably shows it all. Ino tucks a stray hair behind her ear and licks her lips. 

"Sakura, you're drunk, aren't you?"

Her voice isn't one of disappointment or malice. It's soft, gentle and kind, the way Sakura remembers her best friend. Sakura can't hold the dam closed any longer inside of her, and she lets everything out all at once. She's hiccuping with the sobs flowing through her, and Ino's arms wrapped tightly around her is all she feels. The touch of her against Sakura, the goosebumps she feels, the warmth radiating off her skin. Ino presses her own cheek against Sakura's, and Sakura almost pulls back in the shock by the wetness there. Ino wasn't full-body sobbing like Sakura was, but she was crying. 

Her parents come home to two girls holding onto one another as tightly as they can, sobbing into each other's arms.


End file.
